On my blog, I always try and make it seem like I have it all together (and sometimes I actually do) but, I met my match this week! I am having issues with both of my boys. Any advice would be appreciated.
The first and most frustrating is with Caleb. Bless his sweet little heart. He is taking Jonah's presence a lot harder than I thought he would. It breaks my heart that I have to be so hard on him right now but his behavior is beyond what I ever imagined. In the last two weeks, I have heard him say things that I didn't think I would hear until he was 16.
Usually things start out with him doing something fairly small. For example, he will not pick up his toys like I asked him. After a warning, he will be sent to time out- and boy oh boy that is when everything spirals downward. While he is walking to time out he will begin his verbal assault on me. He will tell me, "NO you go to time out!", "You're stupid", "I don't love you", "I hate you" etc. and this week he has added spitting to his rampage.
There is NO way on earth he is going to get away with that in this house, but everything I am trying is not working to stop the behavior. I have tried: adding time to time out, taking away TV, taking away movies, taking away library, taking away dessert, and yes we have spanked (and believe me it is hard enough). Afterword, he calms down and is the same sweet boy that we all love. We always talk about what he did wrong and why it is wrong, we talk about how God is not happy with his behavior, and we have had many conversations about Jonah and why mommy has to spend so much time with him. He understands that what he is doing is wrong and always sincerely apologizes and gives hugs and kisses.
So what do I do? Do you think that ignoring the behavior as long as he is still in time-out will work. Mike and I know that he is doing it for attention, but it is SO hard to ignore behavior like that. Like I said before, I hate to be so hard on him when this is all stemming from his whole life being turned upside down from Jonah- but this needs to be fixed one way or the other.
My next question is about Jonah. Does anyone have any good tricks for a baby that does not want to be put down- EVER!? I really don't remember Caleb being like this at this age but I had nothing better to do but hold him all day. I have tried everything that I can think of: bouncer, crib, entertainer, and swing, I use the pacifier, I swaddle, and I even bought a bear that has a heartbeat. If I am lucky, he will fall asleep in the swing for awhile. I have been so desperate that I started to let him take a nap on his belly (shh, don't tell my job- I educate parents to never do this ;o) Yesterday, I went out and bought a Baby K'tan. It is a baby carrier that you can "wear" your baby in for long periods of time. Jonah does enjoy it but once he is asleep, I can't transfer him without him waking up. I love it and it works great but I can't imagine "wearing" him all day long.
I know that my problem with Jonah is making the problem with Caleb even worse. I am trying my best to do fun things (one on one) with Caleb during the day but Jonah is not letting me. Poor Caleb, I know he just wants me to himself. I'm lucky that I am able to make meals and keep the dishes and clothes clean at this point. Once Mike is home, I do make it a point to do something with him, like read stories.
Even with all this, I will never forget how extremely blessed I am to have these boys. I love them so much my heart wants to burst.
June...where did you go?
10 years ago
5 comments:
I never believed it before when people would say that being a parent is the hardest job in the world. I sure do now! My biggest lesson over the past year is that I could never be a "good mom" without God. I have to depend on Him for patience, calm, etc.
THere is an awesome book called "Don't Make Me Count To Three" by Ginger Plowman. It is scriptural, and I found it very encouraging. I often find myself rereading portions of it!
I would also suggest that you try and get as much one-on-one time with Caleb as possible. Having certain times of the day for you two to read or play together would let him know that you still love him very much.
Most of all, just hang in there and keep praying!
Love, Beverly
wow girl, not much advice from this mom of one over here, but i will tell you. i will most definitely pray for you. i could read the heartbreak all over this blog post.
the only thing i WILL say is that i think you are doing the right thing in your discipline, especially by trying other methods if one thing doesn't work. it's oh so important for caleb to feel loved at this point. we don't want him growing up resenting jonah. will jonah let caleb hold him sometimes? or be a helper to you?
also, i know it's hard, but maybe you have to let jonah cry himself to sleep sometimes?? :( i know that sounds harsh, but doesn't the clingyness only get worse?
okay see, i've offered advice and i wasn't supposed to do that. i have no idea i'm just thinking out loud over here.
praying, jen
oh erin! i wish i had some advice for you! but i will be praying!! i think it is great that ya'll are addressing the behavior and not just sweeping it under the rug.
and with jonah, i am with jenny, just try the crying thing. although believe me i know it's soooo hard. but it might be worth a try. on the other hand every baby is different and some just need to be held alot! that time will go by quickly though!
that probably didn't help much but know that i will be praying!
I am an attachment parent and that has its ups & downs. Tristan was very clingy and I was never able to put him down either. That said, I have no advice on how to stop! I just think each child is different and I nurture them in the way that they want. I knew that the day would come when he wouldn't want me to hold him anymore, so I just did what made him happy. I wouldn't let a baby that young "cry it out", because I believe at that tender age they just need their needs met and to feel cared for.
Tristan has also thrown some MASSIVE fits since Reagan's arrival. We switched up how we dealt with it at first, but then we realized we had to do one thing and one thing only. That way he knew he was being punished and there was no confusion for him. For him, it's time-out in the corner or the bed. If he continues to throw a fit, there will also be spankings. It has diminished lately, but he still has moments.
This is just my two cents and my style of parenting with my unique children. You are their momma, and your instincts know more than any book.
I still want to come see you guys one day! We've missed you at church.
sweet friend. . .
i so understand this b/c i went through the same thing with my two boys. they still compete with each other for my attention, bless their sweet hearts! i don't want to tell you what to do 'cause you really have to do what works for you. but i do think it's important to accomodate caleb as much as possible when you can. (not during the tantrums of course) call anytime for more info on two boys!!
Post a Comment